Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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