how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
