you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
