why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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