Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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