Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
