someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
