my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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