How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
COCAINE IS GR8
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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