And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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