Only a mothe r could love this liver
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
