She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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