God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
