just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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