i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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