Rock
Scissors
Fuck
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
