he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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