we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
