i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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