Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
