so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
