Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
