The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
