How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
