i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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