i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
