you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
