dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
