Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
40s are totally the cure
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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