is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
