I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
