There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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