the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
