I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
