It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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