you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We were destined to go to rehab together
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
