btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
