you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
