The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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