Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
