how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
