There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
