): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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