My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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