Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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