i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
