I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
