I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
