I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
