I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
